Are you driving along minding your own business and you come up to a crosswalk and some jacka$$ is walkin across the street and you have to slow down or even stop? Well, lay on the freakin horn, roll window down, extend middle finger and scream at them to get out of the way. That'll be the last time that joker tries to use a crosswalk to cross the street. Jerk, makes me mad just thinking about it.
Thursday, February 7, 2008
Road Rage Part 16: The Crosswalk
Are you driving along minding your own business and you come up to a crosswalk and some jacka$$ is walkin across the street and you have to slow down or even stop? Well, lay on the freakin horn, roll window down, extend middle finger and scream at them to get out of the way. That'll be the last time that joker tries to use a crosswalk to cross the street. Jerk, makes me mad just thinking about it.
Wednesday, February 6, 2008
Road Rage PArt 15: On Coming Traffic
Picture this, you ever find yourself at a stop light, say in the left hand turning lane, with like 5 or 6 cars ahead of you...and let's just say this lady decides to pass traffic that is stopped facing the other way at another left hand turn and she's attempting to pass way on the far left lane, which would be the opposite traffic's right lane and the light you're waiting for turns green and now she's backing up facing traffic the wrong way and trying to cut in front of you while on coming traffic starts barreling towards her and you don't let her in because, well you're driving in the proper lane, going the proper way and the light is green dumba$$...the result could mean that the moron bitch of a driver might just go ballistic. Mission accomplished.
Tuesday, February 5, 2008
Road Rage Part 14: What to do you when get pulled over.
There are several schools of thought about what to do when you get pulled over. Here's a couple of examples that I follow to the T all the time.1. The DUI or the DWI.
If you get pulled over and you're under the influence your first mistake was that you pulled over. When the police officer approaches your car, try to hide the empty beer cans or bottles under your seat and the passengers seat. Make sure you really push them under there. If the police officer sees you moving about, he'll only assume you are looking for your license and registration. When you roll down your window and he asks for your license and registration, burp in his face and ask if he wants a beer.
2. Caught Speeding?
Same here, if you pulled over, big mistake, always try and outrun the police first. If you have a crappy car and can't outrun the police then use your blinkers to your advantage. Signal right, but actually go left for example. This is most useful if you are on the interstate and you fake getting off at an exit. They fall for that trick every time and you'll be so free so fast they won't know what hit them. More than one cop chasing? Then repeat process as many times as it takes. If you do eventually pull over you're an idiot but at least make sure you get out of your car immediately and approach the police rapidly.
The two techniques are proven to be 100% effective.
Monday, February 4, 2008
Road Rage Part 13: Swerving
Have your passengers started to get car sick because you swerve too much after a hard day of drinking at the beach? Salisbury rules! Well, if they do, make sure they have something to puke in. A long time ago I once didn't believe that a wise passenger of mine was about to hurl...until I heard it. Fortunately she made excellent use of the cooler that was in the back seat. She puked all over a couple of brews but she didn't puke in the car. So 14-15 years later, she still holds dear to my heart for not puking all over the back of my car. By puking in the cooler, she also kept the car free of puke smell. God bless.
Sunday, February 3, 2008
Road Rage Part 12: Right on Red
If the person in front of you has a clear shot to make a right on red but neglects to do so, do what I do and get out of your car, approach the vehicle and slam your fists on the hood screaming at them to go. If that doesn't work, then just ram them with your car. They'll get the message eventually.
Saturday, February 2, 2008
Road Rage Part 11: Text Messaging While Driving, Write on Read
ABC DEF GHI JKL MNO PQRS TUV WXYZ...
One of the most important forms of communication these days is text messaging, so don't let driving get in the way of reading or writing a text. If you feel the need, you may want to turn your hazards on and make sure your seat is up high and close enough so you can drive with your knees. You may also want to take advantage of that red light and perform what is better know as a write on read, so get that text sent before the light turns green. At a yield sign? Yield signs also allow for an excellent chance to text, just treat it as a stop light or stop sign. Which leads me to stop signs. Texting at a stop sign is awesome. You can stay there as long as you like and know one will care because the sign says stop. Whatever you do, don't let driving get in your way. These tips can also be applied to using your Blackberry while driving.
One of the most important forms of communication these days is text messaging, so don't let driving get in the way of reading or writing a text. If you feel the need, you may want to turn your hazards on and make sure your seat is up high and close enough so you can drive with your knees. You may also want to take advantage of that red light and perform what is better know as a write on read, so get that text sent before the light turns green. At a yield sign? Yield signs also allow for an excellent chance to text, just treat it as a stop light or stop sign. Which leads me to stop signs. Texting at a stop sign is awesome. You can stay there as long as you like and know one will care because the sign says stop. Whatever you do, don't let driving get in your way. These tips can also be applied to using your Blackberry while driving.
Friday, February 1, 2008
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