www.Pukeplanet.com

www.pukeplanet.com. Make sure you check it out.

Regular Posts To Returm 2/21/08, Hold My Hair Back Please!!

Sorry, I've been illin...scheduled to return to normal postitronics 2/21/08. I was going to post a picture but after seeing what was available I realized I couldn't do that to BAG subscribers. Feel free to go to pukeplanet.com though if you want to see what I was up against. I came to the realization that puking wasn't really all that pretty. Who knew?!!

But, I can draw puking.. and that's kinda tame. Hee hee my beeyatches!

Do your clothes make you look fat?

Sweet! Keep wearing them.

You ever write your name in cement?

Cool, I'm glad you did but I bet you forgot your social security number dumba$$. See post "Pin Numbers" for more information.

You may also want to stick your face in the wet cement too. It'll make you famous.

Does my pink tuxedo make me look fat?

Do you speak English?

No? Then have I got the job for you. 1-800 Customer Service Representive. Nothing gets you ready for a job in this fast growing field than an hard accent to follow and zero knowledge of the English language. I mean you could get by, by speaking some English, but you sure don't want to be understood, so when the customer says what? They mean "what" and have no idea what you're saying. Awesome, that's one of the 1o rules of the trade. You also want to be very skilled repeating what you just said when they say "what" so that they will never be able to understand you. You may want to even talk louder when they say they can't understand what you're saying for the 10th time because everyone comprehends better the louder one speaks. Next time when they're asked to press 1 for English, they just may reconsider.

Here's the 10 rules:

Rule #1. Don't speak English.
Rule #2. If you do speak English, suck at it.
Rule #3. Repeat yourself frequently when the customer can't understand the words you are spillin.
Rule #4. Talk louder as you repeat yourself.
Rule #5. In perfect English, tell the customer you are just trying to help and please calm down while you try and assist them.
Rule #6. Change your name from Habib Samir to Dale.
Rule #7. When they ask for your supervisor, put them on hold and when you come back just change your voice.
Rule #8. If they get so unruly suggest that they call the complaint line but give them the same number that they just called and when they call back answer. If they ask if this is the same Dale that they just talked to say yes.
Rule#9. When the customer starts screaming, put them on speaker so everyone around you can hear and the customer can hear everyone around you laughing.
Rule #10. When the conversation comes to and end and the customer gives up, in perfect English say, "thank you for choosing so and so company, I hope I have assisted you today with your problem and have a wonderful day."

So you forgot Valentine's Day?

First thing first Romeo, pretend today is. Shouldn't everyday be Valentine's Day anyway? So get the flowers, make a reservation at her favorite restaurant and pick up the jewelry at Shane Co. She knows you best, so she might just think you're dumb enough to actually think today is Valentine's Day. I mean, it's not like it's all over the TV and Radio so it's easy to miss it. She'll be so impressed that you made all these plans and crap that she'll totally forget all the roses that were delivered to every female at her office, while she sat there roseless, with everyone asking where hers were and if she thought you were going to Jared..why the hell would you go see that guy on the Subway commercials that used to be fat? Anyway, what's he going to do for you, sell you a tuna sub? Heck, I don't even think he works there. Oh yea, she will so forget all those women with roses and balloons at work once she sees you in your heart boxer briefs that you got on sale at Target for 1/2 off..Kaaching! Or Shwing!! See brainiac, you were the smartest of all of us for forgetting. You got the boxers 1/2 off, the restaurant was so not booked and getting a table was a breeze and you aren't forced one menu and automatically charged 75 bucks a head just for showing up. The flowers were all one day old and 75% off and Shane Co. is your friend in the diamond business and always gives you the best prices so you my friend, are a genius. Make sure you forget her birthday too. She'll be so surprised when you show up a week later with a puppy.