Do you speak English?

No? Then have I got the job for you. 1-800 Customer Service Representive. Nothing gets you ready for a job in this fast growing field than an hard accent to follow and zero knowledge of the English language. I mean you could get by, by speaking some English, but you sure don't want to be understood, so when the customer says what? They mean "what" and have no idea what you're saying. Awesome, that's one of the 1o rules of the trade. You also want to be very skilled repeating what you just said when they say "what" so that they will never be able to understand you. You may want to even talk louder when they say they can't understand what you're saying for the 10th time because everyone comprehends better the louder one speaks. Next time when they're asked to press 1 for English, they just may reconsider.

Here's the 10 rules:

Rule #1. Don't speak English.
Rule #2. If you do speak English, suck at it.
Rule #3. Repeat yourself frequently when the customer can't understand the words you are spillin.
Rule #4. Talk louder as you repeat yourself.
Rule #5. In perfect English, tell the customer you are just trying to help and please calm down while you try and assist them.
Rule #6. Change your name from Habib Samir to Dale.
Rule #7. When they ask for your supervisor, put them on hold and when you come back just change your voice.
Rule #8. If they get so unruly suggest that they call the complaint line but give them the same number that they just called and when they call back answer. If they ask if this is the same Dale that they just talked to say yes.
Rule#9. When the customer starts screaming, put them on speaker so everyone around you can hear and the customer can hear everyone around you laughing.
Rule #10. When the conversation comes to and end and the customer gives up, in perfect English say, "thank you for choosing so and so company, I hope I have assisted you today with your problem and have a wonderful day."