Does my unibrow make me look like this?

This is a toast to urine samples.....TO URINE SAMPLES!!

Um, yea...my hands were dirty.....

Hey!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Reader person!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I just felt like screaming at you!!!!!







Oh, and please keep reading! Without you I'd be nothin.

Electric or Gas?

Yea, so despite my electrician saying I have to have a gas stove since my house is equipped for gas, I'm hooking up an electric one. I hate the burners on gas stoves, the electric ones let you know they are hot by turning red! So my electrician just went home all pissed off for some reason and all I know is that all it took was a couple of rolls of duct tape, 5 to be exact and I've got the gas hookups connected to my electric stove perfectly bitch. You can't even tell the difference but the gas really does stink and it's making me dizzy. I guess that's normal..oh snap!!!! Check it!! The coils are turning red too! And that dumbass electrician said it couldn't be done. I've got gas pumping away like a MoFo and the electric coils are firin up some juicy hot red metal red/orange/red metally kinda. Snap! I'm a regular blacksmith in the making. Watch out Excaliber!! I'm going to go make some Jiffy Pop and smoke a cigarette, then make sword out of the tin foil packaging!!

Hey Remember!!

Hey remember when I installed that ceiling fan in the middle of my living room floor and it created some stupid ass vortex and dead people and wizards kept f-in showin up? Yea, well, that f-in fan keeps cutting up my shins up and my cats had like five serious head blows to the face as a result. I need the help of the BAGists, so please unite and give me some suggestions. I thought about taking a big cardboard box and putting it around the fan but that clearly defeats the whole purpose of having the fan there in the first place ya know?! I also thought about getting some chicken wire and putting that around the fan but the first headmaster in the Harry Potter movies and Truman Capote both told me that was kind of a gay idea. Jerry Garcia suggested I set up some hydroponics but I don't smoke so what's the point. Please BAGists, help a poor boy from Massachusetts figure out how to keep his awesome ceiling fan in the middle of his living room flor without gashin up his shins and killing his cat!

Ceiling Fan....or Vortex?

Hey!!! You!!! You ever install a ceiling fan in the middle of your living room floor and then turn it on and try vacuuming at the same time? Well, I did and I think I created some kind of vortex because dead people and wizards keep appearing in my apartment and I didn't order any. Can someone please tell Jacques Cousteau that I don't want to visit the bottom of the sea any time soon and that if Sammy Davis Jr doesn't stop tap dancing in my bathroom that I'm going to kill him even though he's already dead. And why do these f-in wizards use so much toilet paper!!!! These guys are going through a roll + a day. Isn't that why they wear robes? Is that why their beards are white. I'm fed up with this sh*t. Stupid vortex.