Hey Remember!!

Hey remember when I installed that ceiling fan in the middle of my living room floor and it created some stupid ass vortex and dead people and wizards kept f-in showin up? Yea, well, that f-in fan keeps cutting up my shins up and my cats had like five serious head blows to the face as a result. I need the help of the BAGists, so please unite and give me some suggestions. I thought about taking a big cardboard box and putting it around the fan but that clearly defeats the whole purpose of having the fan there in the first place ya know?! I also thought about getting some chicken wire and putting that around the fan but the first headmaster in the Harry Potter movies and Truman Capote both told me that was kind of a gay idea. Jerry Garcia suggested I set up some hydroponics but I don't smoke so what's the point. Please BAGists, help a poor boy from Massachusetts figure out how to keep his awesome ceiling fan in the middle of his living room flor without gashin up his shins and killing his cat!