Chicken Suit Man Wanted

Reply to: job-596886424@BAGslist.org

Date: 2008-03-05, 8:08PM EST

Wanted 5 mornings a week a person that can stand up with a banner in a chicken suit.

please call 555- CHIK-MAN

Location: Atlanta
Compensation: $6
Principals only. Recruiters, please don't contact this job poster.
Please, no phone calls about this job!
Please do not contact job poster about other services, products or commercial interests.

Dating Service Part The End

Yea, so the sun is coming up and I walked most of the night. But guess what happened? A big van pulled up and gave me a ride. Now me and this girl Angela are dating. Screw dating services when chicks riding in a van pick you up on the side of the highway in the middle of the night. Here's a picture. See how happy we are?!!

Dating Services........Part Eight

Suddenly Marty came driving up from out of nowhere. I started to call him but that girl flipped me off and jumped in his car and they drove away. Marty was also flipping me off too and then he threw an envelope out of the window as I ran after them. I wonder who that girl was? And what's in the envelope? The envelope had my name on it, so I opened it. In it was my profile with certain things highlighted...handcuffs, long drives, Culture Club, girl behind a tree etc etc. It all made sense now. Marty was giving me a full refund because he couldn't find me a match. Cripes, my profile was too picky I guess, maybe I need to be more open about things in the future. Also enclosed was my $4,500 check written out to ReMatch.com with refund written in red on it. He was refunding my money. That sure was nice of him..and honest since he couldn't find me a match. Not all places will do that. But who the hell was that girl? And why didn't Danielle show up.?I went back to the tree one last time but I got nothing. It was dark and starting to get cold. I guess I should start walking. It's 7:30PM now and this whole escapade started around 1:30-ish so I think I've got a long walk. Good thing today is Saturday.

Dating Services.......Part Seven

"BAG!!! You F-in idiot. I'm your date. I'm the girl behind the F-in tree you're supposed to find!! Marty was just trying to use "your" answers in "your" profile to create the perfect date. Heck, you said you loved to be blindfolded in a car and you handcuffed yourself on a regular basis. You even said your perfect date was to be ditched by a new found friend who liked to listen and sing along to Culture Club and hated Tommy Two Tones and would prefer to listen to Cult Club over the Thomson Twins on a road trip, only to be stranded on a dirt road alone out in the woods and stumble upon some hot chick behind a big tree. Is this not registering at all?"

"Um, yea, you're not at the right tree. I'm gonna have to go. I'm walking home."

"BAG, you stupid F! I'm calling Marty to pick me up.!!"

"Wait, who are you and how do you know Marty?"

"F - U BAG!! F - U"


Stay tuned for part 8.....

Dating Services......Part Six

"Psssst! Pssssst! BAG!!! Psst! Over here. Wrong tree!"
"WTF! Who the hell is out here in the middle of nowhere and knows my name?!! Who's there?" I whispered. "Who's there?"
"It's me Danielle, you're at the wrong tree."
"Wrong tree? Marty said this tree, so it can't be the wrong tree?"
"I'm over here BAG, you're at the wrong tree!!!"
"No, Marty said this tree, I ain't moving from this tree until Danielle shows up."
"BAG! I'm Danielle and I'm telling you, you're at the wrong tree.!!"
"Prove it. How am I supposed to believe you are Danielle?"
"Who else would be out in the middle of nowhere standing behind a big tree waiting for a guy named BAG...who?!"

Stay tuned for part Seven....................And I assume at this point, none of you thought this could even make a part seven...but I did it, so enjoy ya jerks.

Dating Services.....Part Five

Cripes! Where the hell is Danielle?! I was starting to think this wasn't a legitimate dating service. I played all the scenarios that just happened over the past several hours in my head and I couldn't think of anything out of the ordinary. It all seemed to make sense. I mean you have to be safe and take extra precautions these days because you don't want some crazy murderer dating in your dating service. So blindfolds and handcuffing I assume are standard practices. But why would Marty drive away in such haste without saying anything to me? I mean, we got along great and sang Culture Club for 3 hours straight, so it's not like he has some vendetta against me..or does he? Heck, he bought me Fanta and Twizzlers, two of my favorite things.....but wait!!!! How did he know I loved Fanta and Twizzlers? How did he know that I liked to bite both ends off the Twizzler to make a straw to drink my lemon-lime Fanta? I assumed everyone did that, but now that I'm stranded on a dirt road in the middle of the woods, I'm thinking something sinister is a foot. How did he know my very favorite things? He must have read my profile!!! That jerk. Isn't that private? In my profile I did say I hated the song Jenny (867-5309) and I did say that if I had to choose between listening to Culture Club or or The Thompson Twins on a road trip that I'd choose Culture Club....and I did say I loved long romantic drives that might end up in the mountains at a cabin in the woods on a dirt road....yea, I did say all those things. But why would he ditch me?

Stay tuned for Part Six!!!!!

Dating Services....Part Four

WTF!!! That F-in bastard just drove off!!! Well, maybe Danielle knows where he's going, so I went back to the big tree and continued to call her name. Danielle! Danielle! Danielle! Where are you?!! Marty said you were behind this tree but I don't see you and he just drove away! It must have been some sort of emergency!! Danielle!! Danielle!! Where are you Danielle!!!!!!!!!!

Stay tuned for Part Five.....