Hey gang! Igot so many questions from 1/20/08 post: What to do when a nurse takes your blood? So many that I've decided to do a brief part 2. Most questions were about what to do the day or night before you have to have blood taken, so let's get down to brass tacks. If you're going to have to have blood taken tomorrow, they always ask that you fast. That's complete nonsense. In fact, studies show that eating cake, pizza and ice cream and drinking lots of soda pop after midnight enhance the results, especially if you're glucose levels are high. Fasting will only make you hungry and we can't have you die from starvation. Studies show that Americans who do not eat for more than 12 hours can starve to death. I also recommend you drink lots of cherry Kool Aid and a couple of brews as well. Studies have shown that lack of cherry Kool Aid in the system will actually discolor your blood. You want it to be red when it comes out right? If you've got a 8a appointment, why go to sleep? Just stay up partying with your friends. If you're friends aren't partying, go pick up a couple of hookers and score some coke. That will keep you sharp. You'll also be able to drink more. Nothing is more important than a night of binge drinking and illicit drug use right before you have blood tests done. Trust me, you'll thank me later. Now that you know what to do the night before, reread post from 1/20/08 and you'll be one well informed patient.
Tuesday, January 22, 2008
Taking Blood Part 2, The Night Before
Hey gang! Igot so many questions from 1/20/08 post: What to do when a nurse takes your blood? So many that I've decided to do a brief part 2. Most questions were about what to do the day or night before you have to have blood taken, so let's get down to brass tacks. If you're going to have to have blood taken tomorrow, they always ask that you fast. That's complete nonsense. In fact, studies show that eating cake, pizza and ice cream and drinking lots of soda pop after midnight enhance the results, especially if you're glucose levels are high. Fasting will only make you hungry and we can't have you die from starvation. Studies show that Americans who do not eat for more than 12 hours can starve to death. I also recommend you drink lots of cherry Kool Aid and a couple of brews as well. Studies have shown that lack of cherry Kool Aid in the system will actually discolor your blood. You want it to be red when it comes out right? If you've got a 8a appointment, why go to sleep? Just stay up partying with your friends. If you're friends aren't partying, go pick up a couple of hookers and score some coke. That will keep you sharp. You'll also be able to drink more. Nothing is more important than a night of binge drinking and illicit drug use right before you have blood tests done. Trust me, you'll thank me later. Now that you know what to do the night before, reread post from 1/20/08 and you'll be one well informed patient.
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2 comments:
You can always re-use your hooker's needle to draw your blood at the hospital the next day too.
Excellent KP. This I did not think of. Not only do I encourage questions, I also encourage thoughtful suggestions. KP, you receive two honorary BAG points. Achieve 1,000 BAG points and you will win the chance to place your very own Bad Advise post here at BAG.
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