Think you need glasses? You probably don't.

Think you need glasses? You probably don't. Having trouble seeing things far away? Is the watch on your wrist blurry? Do red stop lights look like green lights and yellow lights look blue? Then you don't need glasses. Glasses are for drinking out of, not for seeing. Eye doctors, they aren't even real doctors. Look at the picture off to the right here. I don't think anyone could read that poster on the wall, not even Superman and it's behind them. The so called eye doctor, he's even wearing glasses. That guy has got some nerve, living his own lie. What a joke.
Well you're in luck because I've provided a sure fire test that will determine if you are having trouble seeing. If you say yes to all these, then you've got perfect vision.
1. Can you stare into the sun with both eyes open for long periods of time? You can? Great, that's totally normal. In fact, recent studies show that UV rays are actually good for maintaining healthy happy vision.
2. Do you squint when you drive? Perfect, it's great exercise and builds useful muscle mass in your cheeks and forehead. "Squinters" are far more likely to get to their destination faster than people who don't squint at all while driving.
3. Do you constantly overshoot parking spaces? That's smart thinking, especially when you have an empty space in front of you. It makes things easier when you leave.
4. Is your TV blurry? Sit closer. TV's are specially designed so the closer you sit, the better the picture. This is especially true for Plasma and LCD televisions.
5. Do you confuse your children with other children on the playground? Super! All little kids look alike anyway and this will teach the children a valuable lesson when it comes to strangers.
6. Does it hurt when you read? That's totally normal. Reading sucks and should be avoided at all costs. In fact, this test has an audio version available read by Ricardo Montalban.
7. Do you constantly misread prescription bottles or bottles of medicine. That's totally fine, medicine is medicine, it's all good for you anyway.
8. Do you read the fine print? Well stop if you do. It's just littered with useless information.
9. Do your eyes ache and become sore and dry after staring at a computer screen all day while at work? Well they shouldn't. Computer screens are designed like television screens, the closer you sit the better the resolution.
10. Do you have 20/20 vision? If you answered yes, then that's impossible and you're a liar. Everyone knows 20/20 is a TV show on ABC and has nothing to do with vision whatsoever.

I hope this test gas helped you determine whether you have perfect vision or not...and remember, glasses are for drinking, not seeing.