What to do when a nurse takes your blood?

I get asked all the time, BAG, what is the proper behavior when a nurse is taking your blood? First thing first, always bring your own needle. Who knows where that needle has been? Act like you own the place, you know, start grabbin stuff and stabbing it. Don't stab the nurse, but stab something she's holding. If she's not holding anything, then stab the air repeatedly. Always tie up your own arm at least two hours before you know you're going to have to give blood. That way your arm will get all purple and once the nurse sticks you with the needle blood will shoot out all over the place due to the pressure build up. Make sure you laugh hysterically when this happens. If you're in a situation where you have to give blood unexpectedly, make sure you pump your fist repeatedly and once the nurse sticks you with the needle, scream there she blows and grab other patients nearby blood samples, crack them open and drink them. If the nurse tries to stop you, tell her she is next. This will ensure that your sample will go to the front of the line. If you become light headed, stand up, extend both arms out and start spinning around. Do this until you fall down. Don't forget to offer up a urine sample, if they explain that one is not needed, pee your pants. Then remove your pants and throw them at the nurse screaming "see what you made me do." These simple tasks will always make giving blood a safe and happy experience.